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10 Signs You’re a Mountain Hipster

 

Living up high kinda puts you in a time warp. Mainstream trends and fads take awhile to get here, but when and if they hit, they hit hard. You see – the high altitude crew has finicky tastes and if a trend’s worth adopting, we go all in.

The Hipster Movement has worked itself into several high mountain havens. Handlebar mustaches, fixed-gear bikes and thrift store couture were already part of the scene, long before they hit the city streets. So as we round out Kate’s springtime tribute to all things retro, we must pay homage to the Mountain Hipster Movement.

10 telltale signs you’ve got the Jack-Kerouac-thing on lockdown:

1.  You Ride a Fixed Gear Bike:  Be it a “fixie” or a “tark” (converted track bike), you’ve got one for both on and off trail — and monstrous quads to boot. You throw down skids while cruising your two-block, hometown strip. After all, it’s your signature move. And all your bikes come complete with gimmicky accessories, like a seatpost bottle opener.

 

 

2.   You Sport a Handlebar Mustache or you seriously farm your hair. The mustache helps you blend in with the local cowboy crowd and represents nicely adorned in powder-day icicles. If you choose the later style of hair au natural, you may get mistaken for a hippie, rather than a hipster. But unlike the token hippie, smelling nice ranks high on your priority list. Don’t fret — we’re privy to your hygiene habits.

 


 

3.   You Practice Hot Yoga and claim Bikram is great for cross training.

 

4.   You Wear Mountain Khakis on the bottom and a pearl-snapped thrift-store-find on top. This Carhartt-goes-retro look sets you apart from the other fellows rocking baseball hats and Smith eyewear. Chicks flock!

 

 

5.   You Militantly Recycle: In fact, you may even head up your local recycling non-profit. You constantly comb the dump for useful junk to upcycle. And you annoy your friends with requests to pull over and stop for roadside litterbug discards.

 

6.   You Listen to Whack Music by bands nobody knows and hide out in the woods when the bluegrass entourage comes to town.

 

7.   You Drive an Old-School Volvo, BMW or Saab, complete with an NPR bumper sticker. It sucks in the snow and stays parked all winter due to breakdowns. Once the spring thaw hits, a tow truck comes and hauls your rig over a mountain pass to the only regional import mechanic.

 

 

8.   You Buy Organic Food and meticulously scour the labels smirking at “GMO Free” but cringing at “All Natural”. You steer clear of nitrates, white flour and refined sugar. Kate’s Bars top your treat list; and all of your wine is sulfite-free. (Lewis, 2013)

 

9.   You Enjoy Old Fashioned Courting, but always confirm your dates via text. Your lady of choice has cream-colored skin and adores sub-titled movies. Your preferred dating locale is a hole-in-the-wall dive bar or a free event (after all, you’re an economist). But once you find your suitor, you’re in it for LIFE! (Lewis, 2013)

 

 

10.   You Consider Yourself a Non-Hipster and claim you’re just “doing your thing.” But ultimately, you’re a scapegoat for other unproclaimed mountain hipsters.